You know,
if I had to describe my experience as an aromantic in one word, I think I’d go
with “alienating”. Let me explain:Imagine you’re
aro and watching TV. There some kind of SciFi show on and they are debating the
personhood of an AI.The AI
shows curiosity and a thirst for knowledge. They have desires. They have
strengths and weaknesses. None of this convinces the doubters.The AI
makes friends. They take up hobbies. They talk about their hopes and dreams for
the future. Surely this is enough to relate to them as a person? It’s not.The AI is
shown to fall in love. This is framed as the ultimate proof, the one
thing that must humanize them even to the staunchest denier of their
personhood or else that person is irredeemable.You change
the channel.There’s a
children’s cartoon on. “What is this?!” the villain cries, pointing at a couple.
Their inability to understand the romantic love between those two is framed as
stemming from the fact that somebody so deeply evil simply cannot understand
something as pure and good as romantic love.You change
the channel.There’s a sitcom
on. Two characters are discussing a third character. “He’s really not that
weird,” says one character. “He hasn’t been in a relationship for [x] years!” the
other refutes. Cue the laugh track. The implication is clear: If he’s not in a
relationship, it must be because he’s too weird.You change
the channel.There’s a Christmas
movie on. The main character is a successful businesswoman. She’s shown talking
to her friends and family regularly. “You need a man,” her mother says as they
bake together. The daughter denies this. The rest of the movie is all about proving
the mother right, as suddenly her career, her friends and her family are framed
as not being enough for her to lead a fulfilling life.You change
the channel.It’s some
show aimed at young teens and tweens. “Ew,” one character comments as the idea
of them having a significant other one day is brought up. This is treated as a
sign of their immaturity.You turn
off the TV.Your
experiences aren’t enough to humanize a non-human character. You’re the
villain. You’re a weirdo. Your life is incomplete. You’re immature.You’re tired.
There’s a
reason it was an aro who coined the term voidpunk.