Jane Austen: The slowburn writer to end all slowburn writers. Has a mild case of purple prose syndrome. Sets you up to think she’s using a really lame trope or cliche, but then pulls the old BITCH U THOUGHT. Gets in fights with commenters who completely miss the point of her work.
William Shakespeare: Where dick jokes meet feels. Recycles old plots that have been in the fandom for years, but always manages to put a new spin on it. That said, he’s better known for good character writing than good plots. Kind of problematic, but people love him anyway. Laughs at and encourages commenters who completely miss the point of his work.
The Brontë Sisters: Their fics get lots of comments but they never reply. They never leave author notes, either. They share an account, and there are talks of a collab fic coming soon. Write fics for OTPs of questionable healthiness and consent. Only ever write darkfic. Like, REALLY dark. …People are getting kind of worried about them.
Edgar Allan Poe: Also only ever writes darkfic, but at this point, people have moved past being worried about him and have just accepted that he’s weird, he’s morbid, and we love him. Channels his feelings about his ex into his writing. It results in really good stories but everyone’s sort of like, “…Dude.”
Charles Dickens: Trying to set the record for highest wordcount on ao3, and it shows.
Victor Hugo: Currently holds the record for highest wordcount on ao3.
Oscar Wilde: Only ever writes M/M. Has a BAD case of purple prose, but it’s worth it if you manage to get through. His stories are either hilarious or soul-crushing. Or somehow both. People love him but know better than to disagree with him publicly, lest he destroy you with one of his infamous subtweets.
L. Frank Baum: Wrote one really well-loved story that’s among the most famous in the fandom, and it’s literally all he’s known for, and it pisses him off. His popular story became a multichap against his will because it’s the only one of his stories anyone actually reads. He keeps trying to end it so he can work on other things, but always ends up coming back.
Arthur Conan Doyle: Feels L. Frank Baum’s pain. SO much.
James Joyce: Has fascinating ideas, but takes forEVER to get to the point in his stories. Also a stoner, and it shows.
Lousia May Alcott: Writes stories for her unpopular OTP (that’s a NOTP for most of the fandom) and breaks up everyone’s favorite ships, mainly out of spite. Also kills everyone’s favorite characters, less so out of spite.
Mary Shelley: Writes incredible stories, but publishes under her boyfriend’s account because she’s banned from ao3. …Again.
Category: we are amused
mighty-meerkat: Everyone’s going on about having a ‘traditional, old-fashioned Christmas’, but when…
Everyone’s going on about having a ‘traditional, old-fashioned Christmas’, but when I burst into the house covered in green paint and demand a champion strike my head from my shoulders with my own axe so that I may return the blow next year, I’m ‘scaring Grandma’.
prokopetz: prokopetz: Based on a survey of Tumblr users’ professed career ambitions, I’ve…
Based on a survey of Tumblr users’ professed career ambitions, I’ve concluded that our ideal occupations are:
- writer
- lighthouse keeper
- specialty bookstore clerk
- patent examiner
- ornamental hermit
- surveillance drone operator
- hunter-gatherer
- sign painter
- web designer circa 1996
- that wild-eyed guy with the unplaceable Eastern European accent who greets the protagonist when they set foot aboard the ostensibly abandoned undersea research facility and/or space station
- long-haul zeppelin pilot
- roadside attraction proprietor
- semi-estranged third child of disreputable petty nobility
- test subject
- rural mail-carrier
- ambiguously benevolent swamp wizard
hedgehog-moss: I was at the coffeeshop in the village and someone asked me how my llamas are doing,…
I was at the coffeeshop in the village and someone asked me how my llamas are doing, and a woman overheard and told me that when she was a kid, her parents used to have a couple of llamas in their sheep farm, and every single sheep in their flock imprinted on one of the two llamas. Each sheep chose the best most charismatic llama according to mysterious sheep criteria, and never wavered in their ovine loyalty. Each of the two llamas was worshiped by a small sub-flock of devoted sheep who followed him everywhere like Jesus’s apostles and only left their field for transhumance when led by “their” llama. The funniest thing is the way this woman overheard the word “llama” and immediately came to sit next to me to tell me this, like she had waited since childhood to share her bewilderment about the two religious congregations of sheep led by rival llama prophets in her family farm.
marius-pont-de-bercy: For anyone who’s ever wondered who they’d be in a 19th century novel, the wait…
For anyone who’s ever wondered who they’d be in a 19th century novel, the wait is over: I put together a 19th Century Character Trope Generator!
If you’d like to reblog, put your character in the tags because I’m curious.
my mother, to me, the bookish teenager: can you please get obsessed with a real person
my mother, to me, the bookish teenager: can you please get obsessed with a real person
my mother, to me, the ancient history graduate: that is not what I meant
my mother, to me, the ancient history graduate: that is not what I meant
art-histormemes: At some point in the not-so-distant past, you know that Monk Gregory, sitting at…
At some point in the not-so-distant past, you know that Monk Gregory, sitting at his dimly lit desk, must have had a cat knock over an ink bottle and ruin many hours of manuscript work.